3 best ways to lovingly support an angry child

So how do we support an angry child with love?

The priority message children need to learn about anger is that it is not bad. It is a natural feeling. It will pass. However it does not  ever give you them the right to be mean or aggressive.





Best ways to lovingly support an angry child

We all feel anger over tiny things like mislaying keys or stepping on Lego to much bigger things like  or the car breaking down when there is no money left in the bank or even the death of a loved one.

Children have big and little angers too and they are just as entitled as we are to express how they feel (and remember because they don’t have our variety and scope of language they may just shout, wail or scream about it…has to be better than them swearing right?)

How can you help them when they are angry?

1. Hear your child

Let them know you have heard they are angry. Even just by saying  you are so cross about that they will feel heard and usually begin to calm. Most of our expressions are a need to be heard, once we are heard we can start to relax a little. Let your child be heard. It works so much better to calm them than demanding they stop that noise immediately!


2. Hold your child

Strong emotions can be overwhelming and you can feel lost and alone with them. If you child was hugely sad you would cuddle them. It can work on an  angry child too (not if they are being aggressive obviously)  Asking them if they want a hug shows them you are right along side them and not mad at them . You will find their anger dissipates much more quickly if they know you are offering support rather than judgement on their anger and adding to their stress by trying to make them stop expressing it.


My book Create Your Own Calm is perfect for teaching an angry child ways to self regulate.


3. Help them problem solve (later)

You don’t have to sort out whatever they are angry about right in the heat of their anger. This is often met with insistence that your ideas wouldn’t work. Remember at the point of red mist no one thinks too clearly. later when all is calm spend time with your child and reflect on what happened. Could anything be done about the situation to have stopped them feeling so intensely angry?  What could be done now about the situation? Help them explore their own ideas and maybe add a few of your own. You could role play these ideas, write them down or just talk them over depending on the age and understanding of the child involved. Praise them for what they did do well (e.g not being aggressive, talking it over) The aim if for them to feel capable and resourceful  the next time they feel angry and to have some strategies in place to get the support they need.

angry child

Resources I recommend to support an angry child  …


volcano in my tummy

A Volcano in My Tummy

temper flares

What to Do When Your Temper Flares


Further reading on best ways to support an angry child

You might also like my post here


  1. Claire Parton
    April 25, 2016 / 6:59 am

    Thanks for that advice. My son seems anxious about school and it usually spills over on a Sunday night at bedtime. I realise I instantly try to calm him by listening but straight away giving solutions or by telling him not to be dramatic as the reality of not liking school escalates to not doing well, to not having a good job , to being miserable and no friends blah, blah, blah. He’s only 8. I will show him I’m listening and it is okay to feel this way. I think the role play will really help him too. Thanks. Fingers crossed. I hate seeing him like this and knowing he is unhappy.

    • becky
      May 17, 2016 / 5:34 am

      Hope it goes well x

  2. September 2, 2016 / 11:15 am

    Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword….wait there’s even more Now what if i told you there was a simple WordPress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That’s right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. Seo Plugin

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *