How to support an anxious child when starting a new school

anxious child. support an anxious child

Starting somewhere new can be a huge challenge for a child. Whether moving up to primary or secondary school or even changing  school due to a house move there can be a lot of anxiety around such transition. The anxieties are normal and if we imagine starting a new job we get some measure of how our children feel.

Typically if you ask them what feelings they have around going to a new school  the negative feelings will be strong even if excitement is included. Trying to balance these negative feelings with a sense of capability and harnessing the positive will really help your child in the lead up to and the start of school

Here is a little exercise I like to use….

As always start with acknowledging and accepting the fears and feelings that are there. This shows the child they have been heard and understood.

A good way to encourage a child to explore their feelings is to have them think what feelings are going with them to school…imagining their school bag as the place where these worries are held.

school bag woz

Typical things a child may be taking with them on their first day of school are anxieties around friendships, wearing a new uniform and what the teacher will be like. Have a look at the anxieties that are filling this school bag …. and perhaps print off  the blank one and encourage your child to tell you what is filling theirs (younger children may wish to colour and decorate the bag and use colourful pens to write in their worries.

sbag2

 

Now all these feelings are out there and acknowledged, shared.

Looking for solutions

We don’t have to dwell on them, these are real anxieties but really until they are proven otherwise we cannot take them away. What we can do is balance their anxiety by encouraging the child to come up with solutions to their concerns such as  learn a few playground games or practice with their new uniform, or perhaps, if they don’t like their uniform to choose a bag they love. This will help them feel empowered and immediately reduce some level of stress.

Sometimes you can’t find solutions and have to draw on past experiences e.g telling them ‘look how you made friends before at that playscheme’ Or when it comes to being nervous about the new teacher and what they are like your child may well just have to wait and see (But you can assure them teachers wouldn’t have chosen their job if they didn’t really like kids!) .

I would complete all solutions in one colour (we used red) …and plan and put them into practice. Problem solving is an important life skill and looking at problems and finding solutions really helps them feel strong and resourceful.

Remember all their lovely talents

Next, encourage them to look at all the strengths and skills they are taking to school with them (we used green for this). We discussed and listed aspects of their personality that will help them at school. Try and get your child to come up with these themselves but it is okay to remind your child if you need to that they are funny and hard-working, enthusiastic, kind and motivated and have all these strengths to help them along the way.

sbag3

 

Hopefully by the end of your session the school bag will be full of solutions and skills, personality traits and talents that will help your child at school.

Anxieties are real (and natural) but they need to be kept small and your child needs to remember they are strong and capable and have problem solving skills and many resources. They need to know that they are are SO much more than their worries.

Good luck with transition everyone!

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9 Comments

  1. August 23, 2015 / 10:07 am

    Not another blog Becky!!! Lovely first post and good luck with your new venture.

    • becky
      Author
      August 23, 2015 / 10:07 am

      Bless you Aly and thank you so much!

  2. August 23, 2015 / 10:34 am

    What a lovely blog and this idea is great Becky, I wish I’d had this resource when mine were starting school and anxious x

    • becky
      Author
      August 23, 2015 / 10:43 am

      Thankyou Annie…think us parents could do with all the help we can get. It’s a tricky business!

  3. August 23, 2015 / 4:40 pm

    Becky, all the best with this new blog. It looks fab already.

    I think my problem with school is over-confident children. Maybe though it’s because we do talk through issues just as you have suggested. It really does help.

    Jo

    • becky
      Author
      August 23, 2015 / 7:41 pm

      Thankyou lovely

  4. August 24, 2015 / 7:10 am

    Oh Becky, what a lovely, lovely idea. I know this blog is going to be AMAZING. xx

  5. August 28, 2015 / 1:38 pm

    Great tips, some really useful ideas here, the blog is looking lovely too x

    • becky
      Author
      October 8, 2015 / 9:35 am

      Thank you, so kind

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