5 Ways to Support Your School-Avoidant Child – let’s take a look.
If your child is struggling with school avoidance or school anxiety, you’re not alone. You really aren’t, school avoidance is much more common than you might think.
In fact in 2024 a report found 3 in 10 secondary school kids missed school due to anxiety. It can be stressful, confusing, and emotionally draining for kids and parents alike — but there are gentle, practical ways to help your child feel safe, understood, and ready to re-engage with learning.
Below are five kind and effective ways to support your school-avoidant child, built around empathy, collaboration, and emotional wellbeing.
5 Ways to Best Support a School Avoidant Child
1. Listen First, Problem-Solve Later
When a child refuses school, it’s easy to rush to solutions — a parent’s tendency is often to want to fix things. But the first, and most powerful step, is to listen.
If your child won’t open up try asking open-ended questions like, “What feels hard about school right now?” and accept their feelings without judgement.
Try to keep your tone calm and reassuring, even on difficult mornings. When your child feels emotionally safe, they’re more likely to open up about what’s really going on. Emotions are contagious after all and if you are calm it will rub off on them.
2. Work Closely with the School to Support a School Avoidant Child
You don’t have to handle school avoidance alone.
Your child’s school want to resolve this too.
Contact your child’s teacher, SENCO, or pastoral team as soon as possible. Many UK schools have attendance support teams or wellbeing leads who can help create a graduated reintegration plan — perhaps starting with shorter days, a reduced timetable, named contacts or safe spaces in school.
Regular communication helps everyone stay on the same page and shows your child that the adults in their life are working together to help them succeed.
3. Create Calm Mornings
Mornings can be the most stressful time for families dealing with school anxiety.
To ease this, try building a regular soothing morning routine.
It can really help to prepare uniforms, pack kit and lunches the night before, play soft music, and keep conversation light.
Avoid threats or guilt-based language (“You have to go!”) and instead focus on connection (“I know this is hard, but we’ll face it together”). Small, positive changes can help your child start the day with less tension and more trust.
4. Celebrate Every Step Forward
Progress with school refusal often happens in tiny steps and that’s okay.
Maybe your child manages to put on their uniform, walk to the school gate, or attend one lesson — these are all victories.
A win is a win after all and each one will help restore their confidence and bolster their can do attitude.
Celebrate each and every win, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement builds confidence and helps your child associate school with success, not stress. We want to encourage a growth mindset!
5. Try Therapy with Becky Goddard-Hill
If things do not improve or you are looking for additional support for your child it could be that sessions with an experienced child therapist is the answer.
Working online over zoom or face to face in Nottingham I help children feel safe and emotionally understood first, then gradually help them to build coping strategies, insight, and the ability to choose manageable, realistic steps forward.
You can find out more about my work as a therapist, how I would support a support a School Avoidant Child and how to book here