Top 5 Tips for Parents Supporting a Teen Who Self-Harms

Top 5 Tips for Parents Supporting a Teen Who Self-Harms

Discovering that your teenager is self-harming can be deeply distressing. You may feel frightened, helpless, or even guilty. It’s important to understand that self-harm is often a coping mechanism, not a bid for attention. It’s a way some young people try to manage overwhelming feelings. As a parent, you play a vital role in helping your child find safer, healthier ways to cope. Here are five key tips to support your teen through this difficult time.

1. Stay Calm and Open When You Find Out

Your first reaction matters. When you discover that your teen is self-harming, try to stay calm, even if you feel shocked or upset. Reacting with anger or panic can make them retreat further into secrecy and shame. Instead, offer reassurance:

“I’m sorry you’ve been hurting. I’m here for you, and we’ll work through this together.”

Take a few moments to compose yourself if needed. The goal is to show your teen that they’re not in trouble, and that your priority is their safety and emotional wellbeing.

2. Listen Without Judgment when Supporting a Teen Who Self-Harms

Your teen needs space to talk about what’s happening, but they might find it hard to open up. Listening — really listening — without interrupting or lecturing builds trust. Avoid asking “why” questions such as “Why would you do that?” Instead, use gentle, open questions:

“Can you tell me what’s been hardest lately?”
“What helps you when you feel like hurting yourself?”

Validate their feelings: “It sounds like things have been really tough.” Sometimes, being heard without judgment is the first step toward healing.

3. Help Them Find Safe Alternatives

Self-harm is often a release for emotional pain. Encourage your teen to try safer coping strategies, such as:

• Holding an ice cube until it melts

• Drawing red lines on their skin instead of cutting

• Using stress balls or physical exercise to release tension

• Writing, journaling, or creating art

• Listening to calming or expressive music

These alternatives won’t solve everything, but they can reduce harm and give your teen a sense of control.

4. Seek Professional Help when Supporting a Teen Who Self-Harms

You don’t have to face this alone. Reach out to your GP, school counsellor, or local mental health service for guidance. Therapies such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) can help teens learn to regulate emotions safely.

If your child is in immediate danger, contact emergency services or reach out for crisis help. In the UK, YoungMinds (text YM to 85258) and Childline (0800 1111) offer free, confidential support.

5. Take Care of Yourself Too

Supporting a teen who self-harms can be emotionally draining. Make sure you have your own sources of support — friends, family, or counselling — so you can stay calm and grounded. Looking after yourself allows you to be a steady, compassionate presence for your teen.

Therapy with Becky Goddard-Hill – Supporting a Teen Who Self-Harms

If your child’s low mood or self-harm feels beyond what you can manage at home, professional therapy can make a real difference. Becky Goddard-Hill, a children’s therapist and author of Create Your Own Calm and Create Your Own Happy, offers evidence-based, creative approaches to help young people build resilience, manage emotions, and rediscover self-worth. Her sessions focus on helping teens express feelings safely and learn practical tools for wellbeing. Working with a qualified therapist like Becky can give both parents and teens hope, understanding, and a positive path toward recovery.

Here is how to get in touch.